4/5 Annie's Witness

Dear Friends of Annie:

Below is the text of a talk Annie gave to her friends in preparation for an upcoming high school church retreat. Annie was asked to give a talk on prayer. Just as Annie finished reading this reflection to her friends prior to the retreat, her family received the call they had been waiting for, the call stating that a donor match had been made for Annie.

As we enter into Holy Thursday and Good Friday, this reflection by Annie speaks of her deep faith as well as her total submission to God's will.

Annie Fuglevand
Excel talk # 3
March 11, 2007

When I was born, I was diagnosed with a disease called Alagille syndrome. This disease affected my heart, kidneys, and liver. My heart valve didn’t work right so when I was just over a year old I had a surgery to repair it. When the doctors did that they also discovered that the arteries going from my heart to my lungs were constricted. So over the past 15 years I have had several surgeries to attempt to improve my flow. Just this past September, while I was in the hospital with liver problems, they did a more aggressive procedure and for the first time I had near normal flow from my heart. That heart procedure was a bit of a miracle, because if it had not been successful I would not have been eligible for a liver transplant.

My liver has caused me the most problems since I was born. Because it has not functioned normally, I have had brittle bones, been constantly itchy, tired, run down, and I had trouble growing. I had scabs all over my body from the itching. And I had these bumps or deformations on my elbows. I have yellow skin and yellow eyes from the bile that is in my liver. I remember when I went to kindergarten when I was 5, and was worried that the kids were going to make fun for the yellow skin and eyes, for the scabs and the bumps, and that they would not accept me. That is another great story – the kids and teachers at Holy Family were very understanding and supportive. The love I felt there was amazing. I had such great friends and teachers, and I felt so accepted and loved.

About a year ago my liver really started to shut down. I started being more tired and run down, and by last September I was unable to go to school I was so tired. I ended up in the hospital a couple of times in September and October. I only went to Bishop Blanchet a couple of days in September and since then I have been home. I was heartbroken that I wasn’t going to be able to go back to school and finish my senior year. But I knew in my heart that God had a plan for me, I don’t know what it is, but I trust that it will be for the greater good. Knowing that helps me when I realize I can’t go back to high school.

Right now I am on a waiting list for a liver transplant. In order to get better I need a new liver because there is nothing the doctors can do to repair mine.

One thing I have done since I was a little is to pray. You might find this a bit funny, but I have not really prayed to God for my own healing. It didn’t seem right for me to pray for myself because I thought it would be selfish. I saw more people that I thought needed the prayer more than me. I learned very young I could offer up my prayer and my suffering for others. For example, when I was in 2nd grade I had to start taking shots. Initially it was twice a week, and then it was every day. The shots hurt me a lot and I remember how painful they were. Then I started offering up my shots for others in need. Each night before my shot I would say a prayer and then offer it up for someone in need. Offering up my shots didn’t take away the pain or the fear, but it did help me to bring some good out of it. I believe that offering up my pain to God was a strong and helpful prayer for others.

Now that I have been cooped up at home since last September, I offer up every day for people in need. I have offered it up for my family members and friends. And it seems that the more I pray for them the more people I see who are in need of prayer.

I have learned that God can use everything for the good, even sickness. I am actually grateful for the struggles because it has brought so much good in my life. I have been surrounded by some really great friends and supported by their love,

Being sick all my life, it would be easy to think that I would become depressed and down. But that is not the case. I have much joy and peace and I am filled with happiness. I have strength to continue on each day. I know this is all a gift from God, a grace. I have felt God in my life from when I was very young. I have experienced many small miracles where he has touched my life and healed me physically or given me peace, joy and strength in the midst of struggles. God has been at my side and is still at my side.

All of us have struggles in our lives. It is not always poor health like I have had. It might be struggles within your family, it might be personal addictions, or it might be worries over someone close to you. But it is important to know that God is by your side just like he has been by my side. I have found that I need to trust God; I need to turn to him in prayer in order to be able to know that he is by my side. I think God wants us to turn to him in our troubles; he wants us to take a step towards him through prayer. And when we do take a little step towards God, he takes a big step towards us and picks us up and holds us in his arms and blesses us with his grace.

If I could give you any advice it would be this. Turn to God. Reach out to him in prayer. Share your troubles with Him. And trust him that he will help you. And don’t be disappointed if he doesn’t answer you the way you want. In the long run his answer will be better than you could have asked for. If he had healed me completely when I was two years old, or ten years old, I would not be the person I am today. I would not be as close to him, I would not be filled with so many of his gifts. I am ever so grateful to God for all he as done for me. And I know that what he wants for me is good, I just have to learn to put my trust in him and I know he will take care of me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not.
In all your ways be mindful of him, and He will make straight your paths."
-Proverbs 3:5-6